Under Construction | My Year in Workouts
One of my tentative goals for 2023 was to compete in a bodybuilding competition, but after a lot of thought I’ve decided that’s not a healthy goal for me at this time.
January 1st, 2024
But before I get into all that, some fitness wisdom from 2023!
You don’t have to spend an hour at the gym to get a good workout in. Prioritize 2-3 high impact exercises and you can get in and out in under 30 minutes.
You don’t really have to “optimize” your routine in order to see results. You can just use machines if you don’t like dumbells, and skip exercises you don’t like if you target the muscles in a different way.
Every good glute workout is apparently 4 things:
Hip thrusts
Romanian deadlifts
Bulgarian split squats
Glute Medius kickbacks
(Of course there are other exercises you can and should do, but if you’re specifically talking about your butt pretty much everyone agrees that this will pretty much have you covered.)
I’ve been thinking about competing for a couple of years, ever since I did my first Muscle Nerd competition at DragonCon in 2021. I’d only been working out for 6 months at the time, so when the judges told me that I could do a real NPC competition, I was blown away. I’m pretty competitive, and the thought of walking across the stage, muscles gleaming, holds an undeniable appeal.
But (and it’s a big butt) I’m not sure if I can actually handle what that would entail, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to.
It’s hard for me to look at the photos of beautiful, lean, muscular bodies, tanned and toned and polished until they resemble nothing so much as 1980s plastic action figures, and not want that on a truly deep level. I follow several bodybuilders on Instagram and TikTok, and the way they talk about “prep” makes it feel like the ultimate testament to one’s dedication and willpower. I can just imagine the thrill of placing (maybe even winning!) in something so challenging.
For a long time, the biggest reason that I didn’t just pull the trigger and sign up for one was that I could also picture the flip side - feeling crushed if I lost, and falling back into the cycle of self-loathing and dysmorphia and disordered eating. Even now I don’t always love my body unreservedly, but my level of body acceptance is much higher than it’s ever been; where my body used to feel like some wild, wayward, alien thing, I now feel connected to it. I’m at least in communication with it, even if I don’t agree with all of it’s decisions.
January 4th, 2024
I was very consistent about going to the gym 3-5 times a week this year, but between injury and illness I fell off a little in December. Skipping the gym used to stress me out, but now I feel more confident in my ability to bounce back after taking a break, and I’m not losing my mind because my clothes are fitting a little tighter.
As the fear has receded, though, so has my interest in submitting myself to the judgement of others. Honestly, the more I learn about the realities of competitive bodybuilding, the less appealing it seems.
A couple of the bodybuilders that I admire dropped out of their leagues in September of 2023. They alleged that the folks who run the organization and judge the competitions gave preference to their friends and acquaintances; that competition was pay to play, and that you wouldn’t place if you didn’t stay at the host hotel and pay for various services (hair and makeup, tanning, photography) provided by “preferred” vendors. While the controversy mostly centered on one league, the IFBB, many of the athletes said that they’ve seen or heard of similar issues with all of them.
I think the final straw, though, was a TikTok video from a bodybuilding “expert” talking about what it is that judges look for during competition. I know it’s a bit of a cliche, but it was a man who looked like a toenail talking about a woman who had spent years in the gym and thousands on hair, makeup, and a rhinestone bikini, saying that the reason that she lost was because she didn’t understand that the top of her glutes needed to be fuller so that the judges could see them from the particular angle where they’re usually seated.
Something about that just drove home to me that there is nothing objective about what is, ultimately, a beauty competition. I could spend years in the gym; I could spend a month’s pay on supplements and spray tans and coaches; I could spend a season doing prep, denying myself satisfying food for months on end in pursuit of a lean physique; I could do all that and still lose, simply because of the angle from which I am being viewed.
For some people, the joy of competing is enough to offset all of the downsides. I’ve certainly known folks who enjoy testing their limits in that way, who can take a certain ascetic pleasure in that level of rigorous discipline and self-denial, and who also truly have the “it’s me vs. me” mindset that allows them to shrug off any losses. I don’t have that level of discipline, and frankly, I don’t think I want it. I need champagne and a Popeye’s chicken sandwich as much as I need my salads and gym time.
And, frankly, the tanning always made me feel a little squicky, but we don’t really need to get into that.
What’s funny is that, having decided that I’m not interested in competing against other people, I’ve found it easier to just enjoy being in the gym again. Maybe it’s the new year’s energy, but I’ve been pushing it a bit harder with my lifts lately, while also trying to work on my flexibility a bit.
Maybe competition isn’t out of the question, though. I loved being part of the Muscle Nerdz at DragonCon, and it would be great to see other, similar events spring up. Who knows - maybe I’ll start my own league in 2024.
July, 2023
2024 Goals
Get nerdy with my workout data.
I’ve been tracking my workouts consistently for a year, but I haven’t actually done much with the data. Next year I’m going to focus on growing my legs and improving my flexibility, and I’d like to use the knowledge that I’ve gained to create a program for myself that will help me meet those goals.Prioritize mobility.
I have a bad habit of only warming up when I’m fucked up, which is an unkind thing to do to my mid-30s back. In 2024, I’m going to make stretching and improving my range of motion a part of my daily practice.Document my progress.
I’ve gotten really inconsistent about taking progress pictures or attempting personal records for my lifts, which sometimes fools me into thinking that I haven’t made as much progress as I actually have. In 2024, I’m going to embrace that change, and snap a few photos to celebrate.
