Set Me Free

The hardest prisons to break out of are the ones that we build for ourselves.

Lately, my prison has been anxiety - that I am not loved, that I am not worthy of love, that I am at heart a broken person who won’t ever do better than I am now. I’ve been overwhelmed by it, both because of external triggers (work stress, a sick pet, a “friend” that I didn’t want to be around but that I felt like I couldn’t get away from) and my own pre-existing issues (lack of self-esteem, fear of abandonment), to the point that I’ve found it hard to function well.

Things came to a breaking point recently, and after I had a full-blown panic attack, I realized that I couldn’t keep going on the way that I have been. I accepted that I had to keep my distance from my former friend, even if that means I’m going to miss out on some fun things. I’ve set some boundaries around my time that I have a feeling aren’t going to be fun or easy to enforce, but that I know help me manage my stress levels. I found a therapist, and for once I’m going to keep going after my 5 free sessions are up.

Things are going to continue to be tough. At the moment I actually feel pretty good - more stable/neutral, trending to happy - but I also know that I need to do more if that happiness is to last. It’s about knowing what I want, what I need, what brings me joy, what aligns with my values, and about valuing myself enough to ensure that I’m living the life that I want to live.

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Character: Jolyne Kujo, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure
Photos, styling by me