Physique

I didn’t make any big resolutions this year. That’s not to say that I’m not planning to make any changes in 2023, but instead of setting new goals, I decided that I really need to just continue down the road that I’ve been walking this past year. Accept myself for who I am, but also push myself to continue to learn and grow. it’s easy to slip into complacency, or to backslide when things get tough, but now that my mental health feels more stable I want to keep moving forward and building on my successes.

I talked not long ago about the sense of discomfort that I sometimes have with, if not my actual body, the way other people perceive my body, and struggling with a misalignment between visible “health” and invisible mental illness. It’s not like those feelings have vanished, but lately they haven’t felt quite so big and scary. I’ve spent a lot of years chastising myself for my food hang-ups or feeling guilty for binge eating, but for the past few months I’ve tried to really mean it when I tell myself that it’s fine that I finished the bag of chips in one sitting, or skipped my workout because I was just too tired. My therapist always told me that it takes time to rewire my brain, but that eventually I would be able to shift my mindset, and this is an area where I’ve found that to be true. Two years ago, I weighed 135, the lowest my weight has been in my entire adult life, and I was scared to gain a pound of the back. Today, I’m at 160, and I’m happier with my body than I’ve ever been.

2023 Wellness Goals

• Track my macros without getting hung up on calories

  This one’s actually going ok so far! I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app and have been logging my food pretty regularly. I’m trying to maintain my weight while upping my muscle mass, so I’ve been aiming for 2000-2200 calories a day, but I’m more concerned about trying to get 150 grams of protein a day, which isn’t easy!

• Track my workouts to measure my progress over time

  I’ve been showing up at the gym consistently for the past couple of years, and I’m very happy with my results so far! I’d like to push myself to get stronger, though, and it’s hard to do that if I can’t remember how much I lifted last week. I’ve started carrying around a little notebook to jot down my lifts, and I’m thinking of making a little Excel spreadsheet once I’ve got a couple months of data. Science!

• Drink some fucking water

  I am not a well-hydrated person, but last week I bought a giant water jug to carry around with me and I’ve been trying to make sure I finish it at least once a day. I haven’t seen any of the miraculous benefits that drinking water supposedly imparts quite yet, but I think my kidneys are probably happy with me.

After winning Ms. Muscle Nerd competition last year, I’m excited to see where this journey takes me. I feel strong, confident, and healthy, and I’d be interested to see if I can maintain that attitude while preparing for and competing in an NPC bodybuilding competition, or something similar. I guess we shall see what future holds…