Prep Files - 4 Weeks Out

Holy shit, am I really 4 weeks out from my competition? Technically, as I’m writing this, it’s actually more like 30 days, but who’s counting?

It’s me. I’m counting. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t mentally calculate how far out I am, worrying if I’m going to hit my goals, and then reminding myself that it doesn’t matter if I meet some arbitrary standard or not. It’s a little exhausting, having that clock ticking in the background all the time, but it’s also exhilarating. I’ve put a lot of time, effort, and money into this, and I’m getting excited for the payoff at the end.

Some things have not gone entirely to plan. I didn’t track my meals or work out much at DragonCon, but I tried to make good choices and did a shit-ton of cardio, so I actually dropped a couple of pounds while I was there. After getting back, though, I wasn’t consistent with my diet, so my weight has plateaued this month. One of my principles for this prep was that I wouldn’t go to extreme measures to lose weight, so I can’t realistically get to my goal weight before the show. It’s a little disappointing, and it’s been a struggle at times to rein in thoughts about how I won’t be “ready” or “stage lean.” I need to start stoning my suit and putting time into posing practice, but I keep procrastinating, even though I know it’s going to bite me in the ass.

I’ve made some good changes in the past couple of weeks, though. I was getting a little loose with my drinking, so I’ve dialed it back, although I haven’t cut it out altogether - it might sound counterintuitive, but I’ve noticed that having a couple glasses of wine with dinner seems to help me drop weight, even if I keep the calories consistent. (Oh my god, should I make an ad about how a local woman discovered “one weird trick” to help with weight loss?) I don’t always have the best relationship with booze, but it’s been interesting how prep has impacted that and given me a bit more control over what I consume.

I’ve always been pretty consistent with the gym, but in the past month I haven’t missed a single workout, and I’ve added gasp dedicated cardio to my routine on top of getting my steps in each day. It’s just 20 minutes on the stair machine a few times a week, and if I don’t exactly look forward to it, I don’t hate it as much as I thought I would either. It feels good knowing that I’m pushing myself, and doing everything I can to prepare for the stage.

With the competition close and the pressure on, I’ve also been pushing myself to be more organized, focused, and productive. I took a break from my regular social media, and while I’ve reintroduced some of the apps, I don’t feel the need to mindlessly scroll them so much. I’m not always the most organized (and smoking copious amounts of weed doesn’t help with that), so I have a written to-do list that lives on my kitchen table, and I try to check off an item or two on it every day. And it helps! My house is cleaner and more organized, and I feel less overwhelmed by everything coming up because I’ve got the tools to manage it.

The biggest change is mental, though - I’ve decided to accept that my best is my best, whatever that looks like. Am I lean enough? Probably not. Are my glutes big enough? Apparently they never can be, unless they are (and no, I still can’t tell what sort of feedback someone might get from looking at the lineup photos or routines - the criteria is still astonishingly opaque to me). Is this the fittest that I’ve ever looked, though? The strongest I’ve ever felt? Is this something that I’ve worked towards consistently for months, making sacrifices and lasting changes to my life to do so? Yes, yes, and yes.